Along the Way

P.S.: R.S.V.P.

2012-01-26T13:11:00.000-08:00

Just so you are all aware, while I am here in the Program, I am unable to get on Facebook or Twitter, or even Google+ regularly. My blog is set up to post automatically on Facebook and Twitter, but I would love it if you came straight to my blog if you have a comment. That way I can read and respond to everyone. :)

New Life

2012-01-25T15:29:00.000-08:00

A couple months ago, I posted a rather cryptic post saying that I wouldn't be able to communicate for six weeks. Well, obviously it's been longer than six weeks and I figured that I should tell what's been going on.

On November 8, 2011, I entered a Christ-based, Christ-centered residential facility here in Portland, OR, and began a program called the New Life Recovery Program. The New Life Recovery Program, as defined in the Resident Handbook, is a "four-phase program dedicated to leading women to addictions-free, self-sufficient living." The program itself, again according to the Handbook, consists of three components - spiritual growth, overcoming addictions, and life skills development.

That's the cut-and-dried definition. Let me tell you what it really means. It means that for the first time ever, someone understands me. They understand why I've screwed up my life over and over. They understand why I've done what I've done, and they know or can help me figure out right where I went wrong. Most importantly, they know how to help me.

Now, I know that some of you immediately thought that there was no way I could have been addicted to anything enough that I would seek help. I know some of you are thinking that you knew me better than that. And it's true, that's not totally why I'm here. However, here's the thing about addiction - some addictions are obvious and some are so subtle that even the person has no clue that they could even be addicted to such a thing. I had a couple of the obvious ones, and a few of the subtle ones that I have discovered since I've been here. Another thing I've discovered about myself is that if I'd had the money and the opportunity...well, it's a frightening thought. I just thank God that I didn't.

And I do thank God every single day. He is the one who brought me here. I have no doubt about this. Already, in the last two months, He has changed my life. A woman can't live here without God changing her. This place is completely saturated in Him. All day, every day, my focus is continually pointed to Him by events, staff, and other residents. Every single staff member here is committed to Christ first and foremost, and to the residents and their recovery. I think most of all, for us, they are committed to speaking truth into our lives, whether we want to hear it or not. That means that quite often we have to dig deep into ourselves to "clean house" from all the lies we've believed. What comes up can be pretty disgusting, dark, and dangerous to hold on to. Because God is here, this is the best and safest place for us to deal with it all, and God has placed just the right women here as staff to help us.

There is a resident here whose automatic response to things is to say "Praise God!" If it's something she doesn't like, then it's "Well, praise God, anyway!" It's a good reminder to me that God is in control. He brought me here so He can heal me. I'm going to be a whole person again, and all I want to do is praise Him for it. So, praise God!

Incognito

2011-11-06T21:10:00.001-08:00

Just to let you know, I will not be able to do any posts for about 6 weeks. Where I am going is a total communication blackout, but I will be keeping a journal and will post when I am able. :)

Thus it begins...

2011-11-02T10:07:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting here in Starbucks using their free wifi because the library wasn't open when I left the church. My life has gone through so many changes recently. I figured what better way to document what's happening than blogging about it? I'm not going to promise an update every day, but I will as often as I can.

Stay tuned...

Hmm...

2011-05-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess this is the point where I say "I give up." And I do...but I don't. What am I kinda-sorta-not-really-but-maybe giving up on? Stay tuned.

Dross

2010-08-02T16:58:00.001-07:00

"⁸Look, I go forward, but He is not there. And backward, but I cannot perceive Him; ⁹when He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him; when He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him. ¹⁰But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:8-10 (NKJV)

I've written a little about my bout with depression before, and in that post I mentioned how Job knew that no matter what, God was still there. Recently, I've fallen into a depressive state again (though I wouldn't say that I am depressed), and I've been struggling with it. I mean, there are a lot of good things happening in my life, but there are things that I've worried about, too.

Yesterday was the third day of my latest migraine. I didn't start getting migraines until a few years ago, and they started to get really bad and more frequent earlier this year. I would say that part of the reason is due to stress from dealing with my break-up with JM and going back to school full time. Yesterday was also Sunday, so in spite of the pounding in my head, I went to church. I managed to get through worship, but by the time break time came so the pastor could get set up, I was in sorry shape. As I sat in the fellowship hall debating whether or not I should go in to try to listen to the sermon, I got the rather strong urge to find someone to pray for my head right then and there. I found two ladies who had yet to go in to the sanctuary and they were more than willing to pray for me. I sat in a chair while they prayed over me, and then one started to rub my neck and shoulders. She asked me if there were a lot of tension spots. I laughed and said, "Probably." She then said that there were things I needed to let go, so while she ministered to my neck, I bent my head and in a jumble of words poured out some of my immediate concerns to God. When she finished, and though I wasn't anywhere near to be finished, my migraine was almost gone. Not completely, but almost. It stayed that way for the rest of the time I was at church.

What she said got me thinking more about things that I need to let go. See, I have a hard time letting go of things. I tend to try to rely on myself more than on God. I get worried about things very easily and then I try to figure out how to resolve these worries. Recently, it's been about finances – getting things together for school, finding a place to live, paying my phone bill, etc. Unfortunately, I also have the bad habit of procrastinating. So many times things are left to the last minute, which only adds to the stress. I realized a long time ago that it was this combination, among a few other things, that was a catalyst to my prior depression. However, I chose to blame God for everything. When I read this passage in Job the first time, I was amazed how the first two verses encompassed exactly how I felt. But then I got to verse 10: "But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold." God wanted me to read that verse that day. In it, He was telling me, "I know how you felt that I wasn't there, but I was. I still am. I know everything that has gone on with you, and I know what is yet to happen. I allow you to go through things like this because it refines you. Gold has to go through the refining process to gain its purity. So it is with you. This will not be the last time you will go through hardship, but know that there is purpose in everything I do." As far as encouragement goes, it's not a "feel-good" kind of thing, but to me something clicked.

It's so hard to keep that in mind, though, and when that kind lady told me I needed to let go of things, it was nothing but a gentle reminder from God. There are other things I need to let go, as well. It's the dross of my life. As each impurity rises to the surface, God removes it. I just need to stop being so stubborn.

Udates

2010-06-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I've updated...er, backdated, I guess...my blog. I re-posted some older posts from when I had this blog and another blog a few years ago. There aren't as many as I'd thought there would be, because some were for a specific social networking site (Shoutlife!) and they didn't apply here. Anyway, check them out and I will also try to post a new one soon.

Who I Am

2010-04-14T21:05:00.001-07:00

I originally wrote this back in September 2007 and sent it to my mother for her to read. Today, she forwarded it to me asking if I still had a copy. I'm sure I do somewhere (between moving, switching computers, etc.), but after re-reading it, I decided to post it here. ~ LB

Have you ever been in the midst of some mundane task, like…say, making coffee, and God gifts you with an insight? That happened to me a few days ago while I was…yes, making coffee.

Names are important to me. I like to try to find the meaning of my friends' names, both the first and the middle. Each name has an individual origin and meaning, and it's neat to combine the separate meanings into one that might make some sense. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. After that, I like to try to find a spiritual application that I can put to the name and what it means. Again, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

That doesn't mean that God doesn't have an His own application to ascribe to a name, and I believe He gives our parents our names for a reason. It's just not obvious to us at the time. And sometimes we think we know, but later it turns out that it is not what we first thought it meant.

My name is Lauren Margaret. "Lauren" means "victorious," and "Margaret" means "pearl." Together, they could be either "victorious pearl" or "pearl of victory." I prefer "pearl of victory." It seems to be more definite, more clear, about who I am in Christ.

When I first found out what my name meant, I was in high school. I pondered what it meant to me spiritually for a long time, because even then names were important to me, though I didn't know why. One day, while I was in the bath (yes, another mundane task), it occurred to me that it meant that I would have victory in certain areas of my life. "That's great!" thought I in my naiveté. "There's hope for me yet!"

Little did I know that the certain areas in my life in high school were quite trivial compared to certain areas in my life in college and beyond. How was I to know at the time that God would continue to work on me? I didn't have a true perception of Who God really is.

I'm getting there. While I was making that coffee, God spoke to me. He said, "You know how you thought your name meant you would be victorious?"

"Thought, God?" I fill the coffee maker with water. "What do you mean by that? I still do think it."

"It's time to change that." He answered as I measured out the coffee beans. "The victory has already been won through My Son. You know that."

I pause. "Yes, I do. But we have our own victories to win, right? I mean, You hone our character through these situations You place us in. When we finish one trial, and learn what we need to, then we've had a victory."

I can feel Him gently smiling at me as I turn on the coffee grinder. "Dear child," He says. "It's not about the victories you win. It's not even about the trials you go through. It's about becoming holy and pure, like My Son. What happens to make a pearl?"

I recount in my head the story of how the oyster makes a pearl. Instead of spitting out an irritation, the oyster covers it with a fine layer of mother of pearl. Over time and after many layers, what was once an irritation becomes a beautiful and luminous pearl, shining with a radiance that seems to emanate from it's very core. That's when it hit me.

I am an irritation because I am sin. I was born sin and my life is sin. Because of God's incredible and beautiful love for us, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on that Cross. His blood covers us, covers our sin with grace. Over time, our sin is not visible to God anymore. For each trial we go through, we receive more grace. And more grace. His grace is limitless!

"Yes, child," He says into my heart. "It's not about the victories. It's about what My Son does for you. When I finish with you, you will be the most beautiful pearl, and you will shine with the radiance of Christ, Who is the core of your being. That is what your name means. It is who you are to Me. My Pearl."

Silence

2010-04-04T01:09:00.001-07:00

When I read this post by Pete Peterson at The Rabbit Room, it brought some memories regarding Easter to mind.

When I was younger, we attended a certain Episcopal church in East Tennessee, and that is the only church I remember where we followed the traditions of Holy Week. Even as a young girl, I remember the solemnity during specific services, especially Good Friday. I remember my mother instructing me about what happened during this particular service, and how at the end we had to leave the church in silence. It was the silence that had the impact on me. I remember hearing the people shuffling about in the almost-completely dark sanctuary (due to candles, except one, being extinguished during the service), the sound of their clothes rubbing, coughing, the sound of them picking up their belongings. We walked in somewhat of a line out of the sanctuary into the fellowship hall. I didn't understand it then, and when we reached the fellowship hall it felt like something lifted and I could be my usual self. As I thought about it in later years, I realize the significance of the darkness and the silence. When Christ died, even God, His Father, went into mourning.

Today, we celebrate His Resurrection. It is a true celebration because of the reason why He died and why He rose again – for us. So that we may have life in Him. Life everlasting. I can't think of a better reason to celebrate, can you?

Book Thoughts

2010-03-29T16:52:00.001-07:00

So I've been doing a lot of thinking about this book I want to write. I have a general thought about it as well as the Main Character (MC) and two supporting characters, with a couple of other minor characters. Many of you know my story, "Genoa," and some of you have read a longer version of it, "Genoa (revised)." I want to expand it even more, and for a long time I didn't know where to take it. After everything that has happened to me with JM, I've thought that I would address the issue of domestic violence in this book. I'm thinking also that it would be somewhat therapeutic.

Now I've just got to figure out how I'm going to work on it while I'm going to school. :P

What a Week!

2010-03-28T22:33:00.001-07:00

Well, last week was eventful…somewhat.

I've been on Spring Break last week and it continues this week. School starts back up on April 5^th, and I'm really looking forward to it, except maybe for the fact that I have a physics class first thing. I'm not sure about the wisdom of having a science class in the morning, but then again, it might be better than having one in the afternoon.

Anyway, on Wednesday this last week, I opened up my email to see that I had received one from my ex-boyfriend, JM. For those who don't know, JM was abusive to me. In fact, he is so typically abusive, it's scary. According to a mutual friend of ours, he is following the same pattern he did with a previous girlfriend – one who actually moved to Alaska to get away from him. He also would wait several months before emailing her, then wait another few months and email her again. Fortunately for me, his abuse was mostly verbal, but if I hadn't left when I did, it certainly would have escalated. I replied to his email. Yes, I know, I should have just ignored it, but it's that niggling little thought that maybe this once I could talk (or write) something that he won't take out of context or twist to his advantage, or even flat-out lie about. His accusations are hard to ignore, especially when they are false and full of name-calling and straight out viciousness. I warned him that I would take steps to get him to leave me alone (after repeatedly asking him to do so), which he just laughed off. So, I've started the process. I have an appointment with a domestic violence advocate this coming Wednesday to fill out paperwork for a protection order. One major consequence of this is that he would no longer be able to go to the same college which I attend. He went there last quarter, but his classes were in the morning and mine were in the afternoon, and they were on opposite ends of the campus. I never saw him, much to my relief. Plus, his emails had stopped for the time being. This will not prevent him from going to college at all, it just won't allow him to go to the same one I go to. I thought he was finally done…until last Wednesday. I'd appreciate prayers about this.

Thursday night, I went to a Seder dinner with my mother, my little sisters, and my friend, Amy Michelle Wiley. It was a wonderful experience, and I really recommend if you have the chance, you need to go.

Friday, I went to lunch with another friend, Anna Greta Rivera, but this one was not a pleasant experience…at least, not at first. We had stopped at a red light on one of the busiest streets here in town, and just as our car had completely stopped, we heard bang and the car jumped forward. We had been rear-ended! Fortunately, no one was hurt. Anna did decide that she wanted to get checked out, as well as her baby girl, so after her husband met us we headed to the clinic. The baby is just fine and Anna has a strained muscle in her neck. I chose not to go to the doctor, and though I've been a little sore and I also have a neck muscle that seems to be strained, I'm just fine. We still went to eat, but obviously our afternoon didn't go as planned!

Here's hoping this next week is better!

Boundless – Pure Again

2010-03-23T01:19:00.001-07:00

Facebook is a great tool. I have found quite a few things worth my attention through FB, and this is one of them:

Pure Again

I "happened" upon the Boundless website tonight (I put quotes around "happened" because I don't think it was by accident) and read article after article that were very good, but this one impacted me. Honestly, I couldn't finish it without crying.

See, we are all the adulteress required to "go and sin no more," but this is the first time I truly understood that parable, that I could actually personalize it. I was in similar circumstances not too long ago. I am just as guilty as she, and especially after reading this article and the parable that goes with it, I am just as awed at His forgiveness.

For Those Interested

2010-03-17T00:46:00.001-07:00

I have decided to go back to school to finish my Associate's degree and continue on to get my Bachelor's degree. I am currently in my finals week of my first term in ten years, which has been…well, a few things. Interesting. Fun. Stressful. Eye-opening. Inspiring.

I've met some nice people, and I've met a few…characters. I've also met some stereotypes that I was none too pleased to be acquainted with. One in particular is in my English class. He's gay. Obviously and totally. Flaming. And he's just a kid! Now, I've met some gay people that I got along with pretty well. This kid has an attitude that he doesn't deserve to have. He's very annoying. Don't get me wrong, he's a smart kid and his contributions to our discussions in class are applicable and serious. However, his affectations out of class are worthy of eye-rolling and an "oh, please" whispered under your breath.

Ok, ok, I can hear some of you saying that he's still a child of God and he should be treated as such. Love the sinner, hate the sin, etc. I have no problem with that. I have a problem with his attitude that he deserves special attention because of his sexual preference. I would have a problem with anyone who had such an attitude, gay or not.

I don't know what his major is, but I really hope he isn't in any of my classes next quarter.

I Might Be Insane

2010-03-16T17:31:00.001-07:00

I've decided to join eHarmony. It might be crazy and unexpected, but there it is. We shall see what happens.

New blog design

2010-03-11T14:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm trying to figure out to change my blog according to this new Blogger designer they have, however I have yet to figure it out. :P

In Christ Alone

2007-02-10T17:47:00.000-08:00

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

This is probably one of my favorite modern hymns. I don't know who sang it originally, who wrote it, or anything like that, so if the copyright police find me - I'm guilty! If anyone knows, please tell me so I can give credit where credit is due.

The first time I heard this, we sang it in worship. I didn't know it, of course, but I liked it. This was when I had first moved back in with my parents, and I wasn't sure that I really wanted God to be that much a part of my life. Sure, I was a Christian, but I figured only the really special people got to have the relationship with Him that I could only dream of. I hated that I wasn't good at it, or that I wasn't living up to my parents' expectations of who I was supposed to be in God. I wasn't living up to my own.

See, everything seemed easy to me, or it seemed easy for everyone else. For me, it was hard. So hard that I just...gave up. No, I didn't deny God, I just refused to believe He wanted anything to do with me. I mean, why did I matter? It was just easier to get on with my life and not worry about whether or not I was going to mess up.

But I did mess up. Again and again. I fell into a depression that I didn't think I'd ever get out of. I cut myself off from everyone except for one or two people. For those people I had to associate with, like at work, I kept it short. I didn't like myself, and I didn't think anyone else should like me, because I was a horrible person. I wasn't worth knowing. The sad thing, though, was that I was desperate for companionship. So in spite of all that I did, I felt like I was the one abandoned.

The thing that struck me in this song is in the fourth verse. When we sing it in worship, everyone else gets excited about the part in the third verse that says, "Then bursting forth in glorious Day/Up from the grave He rose again." They clap and cheer, some just wave their hands in the air...you know how it is. But for
me, the part that gets to me is this in the fourth verse: "No power of hell, no scheme of man/Can ever pluck me from His hand."

Not only will He never abandon me, but He will hold on to me so tightly that nothing or no one, even me, will be able to separate me from Him. It took me a long time to realize this truth. It's taken me a long time to know it in my heart that it is truth.

It's still hard for me. Some days I just feel that there is a huge granite wall with a moat that holds crocodiles and piranhas between God and me. Some days it just feels like a picket fence. I know that barrier is me. My pride, mostly. But He's on the other side, waiting for me to step through. I can feel Him.

He's also on my side, holding my hand with His, and giving me the grace and strength the make that step. I can feel Him.

I wouldn't be able to feel Him if He had decided that I wasn't worth it.

I'm Such a Romantic

2007-01-13T19:53:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, I go through a period where I just don't want to be single anymore.

WARNING: Yes, I am going to talk about my love life...or lack thereof. Feel free to mosey on to someone else's blog if you don't want to read any further. I don't mind. There's probably a lot of entries far more worth reading than this one.

When I was growing up, I had this dream guy. He was tall, well-built, and had an incredible smile. It's funny, but I could never see the rest of his face. I couldn't see his eyes, or what color hair he had, or anything else - just that smile. I still have a dream man. Certain things have changed in what I see as someone I could spend my life with, however.

The thing is, I'm almost 30 years old. Yeah, it's hard for me to believe, too. It's also hard when family and well-meaning friends ask me if there's a special someone in my life - and they don't mean Christ. Certain holidays come and go, friends marry, then they have babies. Time is rushing by.

I've always been a traditionalist when it comes to guy/girl stuff. My older sister and other girls I've known have told me that it just isn't like that anymore. No one so much as blinks when a girl asks a guy out. I prefer to wait for the guy to make the first move. My sister tells me that I could wait forever if I handled it that way.

Well, I tried it. I scared him off. He's now married with kids, and I hope he's very happy.

The next time, I made it obvious I liked him without outright telling him. He figured it out real quick, but was nice enough to ignore my foolishness. When we finally did talk about it, we parted as friends who would never be anything more to each other. He's also married now. I hope he's happy, too.

I'm afraid of doing that again. I'm also afraid of just being a good friend, a "buddy", and nothing more.

My mother recently talked about a Purity conference she and my brother went to last year. The speaker pointed out that in Proverbs 31, it says that the woman did her husband good all the days of her life. That means even before she met him, she was doing him good by preparing her heart and her life to be his. That really struck me. Here I was focusing on my dream man and all the he was supposed to be for me when instead I should be focusing on myself and all that I'm supposed to be for him.

Wait for it.

Here it is.

You ready?

*smacks self on forehead* "DUH!"

I shouldn't be worried about it. God's got it covered. He's shaping me even as I write this. There's someone out there for me, but God is the one to bring us together, not me.

I still have my moments, like now. I really want someone to hold and to hold me. One day I will, but until then there's my teddy bear, Tufty.

We've been through a lot together, Tufty and I.

You Never Let Go

2007-01-02T17:06:00.000-08:00

This is another past blog post, originally posted in May of this year. Oops, I mean last year!

"V.1-Even though I walk through the valley

Of the shadow of death

Your perfect love is casting out fear

And even when I'm caught in the middle

Of the storms of this life

I won't turn back I know You are near

PreChorus-And I will fear no evil

For my God is with me

And if my God is with me

Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus-Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me.

V.2-I can see a light that is coming

For the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We'll live to know You here on the earth

Bridge-Yes, I can see a light that is coming

For the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You

Still I will praise You"

~Words and Music by Matt and Beth Redman

I have been reading the book of Job this last week or so. What struck me first, and this is really just a side note, was that even when God Himself is impressed by your righteousness, it's still not enough. You still need a Redeemer.

However, what has really rung true for me is that even in the midst of Job's pain, his sorrow, his suffering-- both physical and mental (his friends didn't really help), and his discouragement, he still knew that God was there and that He would deliver Job from his torment.

Some of us can relate. Man, I know I can. For several years I went through a period that I now call The Dark Times. Seriously, if you were given a chance to compare me now to me then, you just might not see much similarity.

I was depressed, yes. There were times I was even in despair. I lost nearly everything, eventually living in a motel, trying to make ends meet from week to week. There were nights that, if it hadn't been for the kindness of friends, I would have had to sleep in my car.

It wasn't because Satan wanted to test my righteousness. No. God was refining me. And it hurt.

I blamed Him, of course, along with my parents (my mother in particular), my jobs, my living situations, my landlords, roommates...you name it, I blamed it. Except myself.

In all this time, God was working me, shaping me. I railed at Him. I'd shake my fist at Him, telling Him that since He obviously didn't care for me, then I'd forget about Him. Yet, I knew deep inside, where Truth doesn't hide, that He did love me, and that no matter what I said or did to Him, He had a tight hold and He wasn't going to let me go no matter how much I hurt Him. And, believe it or not, even in the midst of my anger at Him, it still comforted me.

When God finally revealed who He was in my life, I was at the end of my rope. Maybe I was just too tired to fight Him anymore. Maybe He had me right where He wanted me, right where I'd listen.

He used my mother, of all people. The one person I fought just as hard as I'd fought Him. This time, there was no fight. I didn't go down swinging. This time I allowed myself to really examine my life and I knew that something had to change.

Long and short: I chose God.

So much power in those three words! I chose God. You know why? Because He chose me. Little me, yet He knew, through the blood of His Son, that I was worth it. He wouldn't let me go, and I can't think of a better end than to love and serve Him for eternity.

I Gave My Life Today

2006-12-27T17:01:00.000-08:00

I was looking through my Blogger blog at some old posts and found this one. I originally posted this on November 9, 2005, after giving blood earlier that day.

I've donated many times before, willingly and happily. I've never had any complications arise nor have I ever felt any ill effects (except once when I didn't eat beforehand and thus felt quite light-headed afterwards - my fault, not theirs), so when Mom told me she had signed me up to give blood (knowing I wouldn't mind) I was all for it.

We had a 1:30 appointment today and we arrived just in time. After going first to the bloodmobile (where they told us we had to "register" before we came there), we went into the office building and waited for about 30 minutes. Mom got to go, and I sat in a room full of people I didn't know. Not a good situation for me, but fortunately I had a book to escape to.

Finally, after another 15 minutes (or more), I was called to the "bus." Wouldn't you know it? I had to wait some more. Not so long this time, only about 5 minutes. Then I had to in for their little interview they do. Not a big deal, normally. Well, today my blood didn't drop. What I mean is, when the man took a blood sample from my pricked finger (yeee-owch! I can handle the big needle with no problem, but not the little ones for some reason), he put it in a special liquid. If the blood drops to the bottom of the liquid, then there is enough iron in the blood. As I said, my blood didn't drop. It just hung out there at the top. I sat there thinking that I wouldn't be able to give blood because I didn't have enough iron!

He decided to spin the blood and based on that we would continue. Apparently, you need a 32 count of something to be safe, and after he spun my blood, I had a 43. So I was safe there. Don't ask me what the numbers mean.

So next came the questions. Before, I've always done them on my own, then the interviewer would either go over them with me or just check to make sure that I had answered them all. They've cut out the first step. Now, they just ask them. I told the guy straight off the bat that the answers to all the sex questions were "no." He said okay, but he still had to ask them. I guess he's required by law or something. Whatever. The answers were still "no."

We finished and I went out to the main area where the lady (we'll call her a nurse for lack of a better term) awaited me. After all the preliminary stuff, she began to prep my arm. She had no problem finding my vein (I have good veins) to mark it. She then went to help another person who was finishing his pint. She came back to me and when she was ready, she stuck the needle in my arm - and missed my vein. She missed! Come on, people! I have good veins. No one has ever missed my vein. I shudder to think of it even now.

Anyway, she half pulled the needle out, re-found my vein, and pushed the needle in. The sensation I felt was something I had never felt before and never want to again. It wasn't painful so much as it felt like an invasion. It rippled through my entire body and back to the entry point in less than a second, but it felt longer. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. The nurse noticed and apologized profusely. I could tell she really felt bad, so I didn't have the heart to make a big deal about it.

The whole pint took 5 minutes. The clock was right in front of me, so that's how I know. All of that waiting and hassle for 5 minutes.

So now you ask me, why do I do this? Well, in Leviticus, it says that "the life of the flesh is in the blood." (Lev. 17:11). In John, Christ said, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friend." (John 15:13). So it's a bit literal when you look at it this way, but I do believe it's Biblical. After all, Christ also said, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12). Christ gave His blood for us that we might live. Knowing that, how can I not donate my little pint every 56 days if it might mean saving someone's life?

(All Scripture references from the New King James Version.)

Each of Us has been Given a Gift

2006-12-26T17:07:00.000-08:00

This past week I have watched a lot of movies. In our family, we have a general policy to not watch movies except on the weekend, but these past two weeks we've been lax. Of course, it doesn't help that NetFlix has such a quick turnaround. Or that my not-so-little-anymore brother, who is home for Christmas, has chosen the next 20 or so movies to come. Or that there are movies in the theater that we really want to see - like Eragon.

But all these movies go by the wayside if they have no purpose than to entertain. There seems to be a trend lately for movies to tell more than a story that makes you laugh, cry, or sigh - docudramas, if you will. They want to tell you what happened in an historical sense, whether from personal accounts or known historical facts. Take Bobby, for instance. I haven't seen this one, but I saw an article in The Oregonian that the filmmakers for Bobby have taken their actors and have spliced them into actual footage from when Bobby Kennedy made his speech.

I like these kinds of movies, mostly because they bring history to life in a way. I've always loved history. I remember standing in the fort at Fort Larned in Kansas and placing my hand over a signature that a soldier had carved in the sandstone building back in 1863. I still get chills over that. When I was in college, I actually debated whether or not I should major in history. I didn't, but that doesn't matter right now.

I especially like films that have certain spiritual undertones to them. A few years ago, there was a film that took the world by storm. You've probably seen it - The Passion of the Christ. This movie focused on one event in the life of Christ - His death. This year we have another film that does the same thing. The Nativity Story is the story of His birth. My family and I went to see it this last Saturday, and I was very moved by it.

There was one scene that struck me in particular, one that really made me think and made me ask myself several questions. Mary and Joseph were invited by a lone shepherd to take a rest from their journey to Bethlehem. Mary's pregnancy was quite obvious by now, and the shepherd told her that she bore a gift. He had no idea of the significance of his comment, but continued by saying that his father had told that each person had been given a gift. When asked what his was, at first, he said nothing, and then he said that his gift was hope. Hope of that which is to come.

I recognize that this scene is a fictional account because we don't have anything to tell us who Mary and Joseph saw on the road or where they stopped or anything like that. But I still feel the power of that statement. When this same shepherd came to see the newborn Christ, Mary looked at him and said, "Each one of us has been given a gift."

Each one of us has been given a gift. God gave a village girl the gift of life. He gave a man in Portland, Oregon, the gift of telling her story. Somewhere, God has given someone the gift of using her story to bring another to Christ. What gift has He given you?

Something different...

2006-09-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

We're trying something different here. I don't know how this will work.